Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
