Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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