Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
