Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
