I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
