So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
