i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
