got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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