So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
