Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
