Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
