I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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