Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
