oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
