just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
