two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
