...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
