Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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