Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
