remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
