I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
