I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
