office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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