stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
