Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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