You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
