awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
