you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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