He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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