Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
