3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
