Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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