walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
