phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
