There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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