I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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