woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
