Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
