There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just invented taco cereal.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
