you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
