the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
