If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
