he wants to bone in the snuggie
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
