He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
