I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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