i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
