so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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