ya dads aren't the best wingmen
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
