I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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