hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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