How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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