soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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