I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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